3.01.2025

Today I got up around 9:30 - slept very well. Finally! Yesterday I did 15km at Tongariro Crossing. A bit too much for the day before starting a new job..

After a light breakfast in the car park, I drove to the national park and went to see Gollum's Pool. Later I took the loop trail around Taranaki Falls but decided to walk further to the lakes as it seemed close and fast on the map. What turned out, It was 3h of walking and I had already done soo much km. Again, I went there little unprepared as I didn't have any food or much water but I kept continue. At Upper Lake it was still 35 mins up the hill and geez I wanted to go there so bad.. but I went back. I was already too tired and hungry.

Mt doom itself was similar to the movie, although cut off from the top - it is a volcano after all.

At the end I was as exhausted as ever. I wanted to sleep, extremely.. but I had to drive to Taupo - an hour away. I took a pizza break - chicken with cranberry sauce - interesting and not so bad for such opposite flavours. I was home by 6:10pm. I met the housemates, showered and off to bed. There are two Husky dogs: Niko and Koda, peace and quiet and also a hot tub. I have 20 minutes from Subway. 

So I have completed my two-week tour of New Zealand's north island. I missed a couple of places as deadlines held me up starting work 4.02.2025

These are my personal diary notes. I'm not too effusive in my emotions on the trip but rather in the facts. Each page also has a picture, a sticker or a souvenir of sorts. Keeping a diary like this helps me a lot to embrace the growing chaos in my head. Especially when it comes to some worse moments - the paper will take it all and it is so liberating.

Alternatively, I also highly recommend writing letters to yourself with what's currently happening in your life. When I was in Poland, I used to do an "update" like that once a month when I had too much of everything in me, especially going through therapy. Now when I read them I'm in shock of how hard was life for me then, but also how many things have changed. 

And I would like to say that I am proud of myself (my therapist would certainly tell me to be), but I can't take credit for what life has offered me. Sure, I've made some steps in that direction, which haven't been easy either, but I think I've also just been lucky enough to come across people who were right and thus helped me to trust the world again and get back into balance. But I can applaud myself as much as I can that for all my crazy adventures I'm still alive and I'm embracing my life pretty well - and it's not easy to control such a strong character of a woman who writes this.... I feel sorry for myself xd 

So I have to continue to remember not expect the world to be anything but beautiful and easy, but at least here in New Zealand I have felt hope, some happiness and relieve at the thought of an unknown future. And I could accomplished that state in less than zero chances until now. 

So kudos for me.

On the way

I drove to Edmont and walked up the trail. First 1,5h walking and then 0,5 climbing. I couldn't make it to the top. I mean I would have been able to do it, maybe, but it wouldn't be very smart because it was late and I didn't have enough water. I got back and went to Wilkies pools - unfortunately I didn't slide because the water was icy and I was already too tired. I also didn't want to sleep there in the mountains, in the car park as I was afraid I might be alone. I found free parking with a voluntary $5 fee in Stratford. A kind woman advised me to park next to her campervan or under a roof to be sheltered. So sweet. She showed a gesture of care so I made a bracelet for her. 

I am physically exhausted. I did 13km of walking today, 700m of elevation gain, 3h of hiking. 

1.02.2025

I had a delicious breakfast at Sgt Peppers in Stratford this morning and set off with a stop for fuel at Whanganui - 30l for $100 at 2.50! the lowest price so far. I filled up almost a full tank. I also bought Pine fragrance oil from India (not sure if I can trust that), a knee brace and went to eat. Only the Vietnamese restaurant was open so I grabbed Pho soup with beef for $19. I set off around 12:30pm - 120km, by 2:20pm I was at lunch and by 3:40pm I was off again 122km through huge landscapes - wide, green, beautiful and gorgeous. 17:50 I was at my destination. 4h riding in total and 242km.

So last week I posted first part of this article with first part of my adventures in North Island of New Zeland. This is continuation of it, including another part of my soul.

30.01.2025

I got up around 10am - my body was sore. I made oatmeal with peanut butter for breakfast and ate a banana on the way back from the waterfall. I stopped by the 40 min bush walk first (beautifull nature trail with funny descriptions of forest species). Finally I went to 3 sisters camp which turned out to be for self-contained cars only so I had to move on. But I hit low tide so went for a hike through the mud in bare feet. For the first time in my life I saw purple seashells. Magnificent!!

Oh, Harry's Feet was already closed but I wouldn't have gone anyway - I don't think it's worth $70 to see a rock that is visible from the street. The ride was beautiful between hills and grassland, albeit long. 

40km -> 72km -> 56km

I found a free camping site for non self contained just before the town Plymouth. Cool toilet although someone was washing seaweed in it.... Cold shower outside, parking for 5 spaces which were already occupied after 6pm and located above the coast so you can hear the waves. Today I got my period... I have therapy in a while. I'm exhausted.

31.01.2025

I was woken up by screams. Gee I don't even have the strength to describe it.... The guy was just asshole but he called ME rude... WTF. Something is wrong with 'them'... they are not used to having remarks when they are behaving horribly nor disagreeing or setting up boundaries. I went to the police to file a complaint, but they didn't even write down the plates number of this guy. They just gave me a business card with the number to report the incident there. It was a disaster. I cried so much that I could fill a swimming pool. But I think it was because I was just tired and scared, because it seemed like he wanted to attack me or something. Well he was definitely mental. 

Now I'm sitting in Sherlock cafe, I've had a meenish tart, I'm having a ‘melting moment’ (with some lemon flavour which I don't really like) and I'm drinking flat white. Honestly I've had enough of New Zealand. It's hard to get to know anyone here, even in hostels people aren't that open to conversation, kiwis are similar to Brits - supposedly polite but behind your back they badmouth and gossip.... not all of them of course, but still.. 

I don't want to drive for 3 hours straight and the south island is even bigger and what if it turns out I won't be able to sleep there on the spot and another 3hr drive.... I'm sick of thinking what to do next, where to find a job, whether to go further afield, how to earn a bit more, what about studies.... I feel overwhelmed by it all. The decisions, the holding relationships, the embracing life, the longing, the constant driving....

But what's good - I have purple seashells and black sand and some new leaves and plants for a new painting which makes me happy :) But still I feel hopeless. I feel that I don't fit anywhere, I don't know what to do or how to do anything to put my life together. The guy next to me drink coffee in his full presence. Just him and the coffee and nothing else on the table. Total presence. I envy that he can have such a void in his mind. Though how do I know what's in his head.... I am bombarded by thoughts all the time. I haven't meditated in a long time... 

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